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What to Say to Someone Whos Not Funny

Written By Monday, 27 June 2022 Add Comment Edit

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A sense of humor is a quality some possess that is considered valuable in a social context. If you are worried that you may not have a sense of humor, don't panic just yet. First, determine where your sense of humor lies. If you find you are naturally unfunny, worry not! Work instead on accepting the unique person you are and showcasing your other talents in a social context.

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    Practice self-acceptance. Begin to try and accept who you are just the way you are. Self-acceptance has many benefits including an overall happier attitude as well as an increased ability to embrace your flaws and let them go.[1] Begin to practice self acceptance by trying these tips.

    • Let go of rating or labeling yourself. This includes assigning qualities like having no sense of humor or a bad sense of humor.[2]
    • In the evening write down three things you accept and are grateful for that day about yourself; including imperfections, failures, or flaws.[3]

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    Have compassion towards yourself. If you don't have a sense of humor, that's okay; it doesn't make you a bad person or mean there's something wrong with you. In accepting yourself, allow compassion for the fact that there may be other reasons you find humor to be difficult for you. Having these occur does not make you any less of a valuable individual or, again, mean something is "wrong." Consider the following possibilities:

    • Your culture can have an affect on your sense of humor. Consider the culture you come from and speak to others in your family or culture about humor.[4]
    • Autistic people may have quirky senses of humor, and tell jokes that are unusual, or not tell jokes at all. Your disability doesn't make you broken, just unique.
    • Having a brain injury, or functioning issues — especially to the right hemisphere — can affect your ability to have a sense of humor.[5]

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    Remember that everyone is different. You might sometimes feel like you are the only one who isn't witty or funny, but remind yourself that everyone is different, with different strengths and weaknesses. Though it may seem that the dominant culture likes and accepts humor, it's totally okay that some people don't — don't like it, don't get it, don't think it's funny. There are over seven billion people in the world, and not all of them have a sense of humor.

    • If you are not very funny yourself, but you do find some things funny, try to accept that you are part of the audience — the lucky people who get to laugh — and not being the comedian is okay.
    • Consider, too, that everyone has their role to play. While the funny people in our lives serve a great purpose, so do serious people. A serious person may be the rock for his friends when times are tough or they need to talk about difficult subjects or decisions.
    • Think about the things you are good at — your talents and strengths. Maybe you're not very funny, but you're driven and focused. These are valuable traits, too.

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    Surround yourself with good people. Accepting yourself is easier when you are surrounded by others who accept you for who you are.[6] You can identify these people by how you feel around them. If you feel good about yourself and inspired by them, then you are around the right people.[7] Try to avoid anyone who tries to change you or tell you how you "should" be. Be yourself and the accepting people will find you.

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    Talk to someone. If you are struggling with accepting yourself or the qualities you do or do not posses, then it may be a good time to talk to someone about it. Talk to a trusted family member or friend. Make sure it is someone who accepts you and believes in you, just the way you are.[8] If you find that speaking to friends or family is not working, consider seeing a counselor or a therapist.

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    Discover your talents. Not everyone can have the best sense of humor; everyone has different talents. Determine what you are good at and what brings out your personality. Consider what others have mentioned you are good at as well as things you enjoy doing.

    • Begin by identifying what you are passionate about.[9]
    • If you have difficulty determining what you are passionate about, think about your most joyful activities as a child, or what you were doing the last time you lost track of time.[10]
    • Turn a desire into a talent. If there is something you have always wanted to do, then do it. You may have a hidden talent that you haven't even discovered yet.[11]

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    Focus on practicing your talent. Once you discover your talent, focus on expanding and practicing it. Whatever your talent is, it is just as good as a sense of humor. Have pride in it. Work on becoming even better at whatever it is by practicing or using the talent regularly.[12] For example, if you have a talent for building items, make sure you are creating items regularly. If you have a talent for programming, experiment with programming games and apps.

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    Share your talents with others. If struggling with a sense of humor has made you feel disconnected from others, or socially out of place, showcasing the talents you do have is a great way to connect again. Sharing with others will help increase your self-confidence; and remind you that there is so much more to people than a sense of humor. With social media being as easily accessible as it is, you have multiple ways to show off your talents even if you are anxious about any kind of performance in front of others.

    • If you are artistic, show off your work. Post an album of your artwork to Facebook or Instagram.
    • If you are a good musician, upload videos of yourself playing on YouTube and send it to family and friends.
    • If you are good at sports, share game results with your social media community or ask someone to take pictures of you playing so you can post them later.

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    Responding to criticism. There may be times where you have to stand up for who you are to critics. Someone may ask you about not laughing at a joke, or otherwise confront you about your sense of humor. Try the following tips to help you handle it.

    • Remain calm. It can be easy to get angry or upset when someone comments on your personality, but getting angry won't help. Try and stay calm.[13]
    • Recognize their criticism may have more to do with them than you. The person may be feeling self conscious because you didn't laugh at her joke.[14]
    • Quiet your inner critic.[15] If the person criticizes you, she may hit on sensitive topics or things you are already worried about. Try not to let her stir up your inner critic.
    • Respond honestly, but kindly. "I'm sorry. I heard it. I just didn't think it was funny."

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    Examine different humor styles. Before you decide you have no sense of humor, consider that you may have a different style than other people. For example, you may have a dark sense of humor which some individuals have difficulty responding to.[16] Review different types of humor to see if any one of them feel similar to what you find funny. Some styles are as follows:

    • Witty humor. Witty humor tends to be more observational and deals with current events as well as intellectual topics.
    • Dark humor. People who enjoy dark humor will often joke about topics that others stay away from, like death.
    • Sarcastic humor. Sarcastic humor or a dry sense of humor, involves some exaggeration and deadpan jokes. People sometimes have trouble distinguishing if someone using sarcasm is serious or joking.
    • Silly humor. People who enjoy the sillier sense of humor often like slapstick bits, puns, double entendres, and euphemisms.

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    Check in with your emotions. It is important to know the difference between having no sense of humor and being unhappy. Jokes are often a way of dealing with anxiety and unhappiness.[17] Sometimes your level of stress and emotions can get in the way of that. If you feel you are unable to enjoy funny things, consider it may be a sign of a temporary emotional obstacle rather a lack of humor.

    • If you are going through a time of grief or loneliness, it may be very difficult to find a consistent sense of humor.
    • If you struggle with depression, consider its effects on your ability to find things humorous or to be funny yourself.
    • If social anxiety has been a problem for you in the past, you may have a sense of humor that is just difficult to access in front of others.

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    Try not to take yourself too seriously. There are some circumstances, other than emotions, that can become obstacles to finding or developing a sense of humor. One of these obstacles can be if you are taking yourself too seriously.[18] Being able to laugh at yourself is a difficult but important task.[19] The more you are able to laugh at yourself, the easier you will be able to handle stress and difficult situations.[20]

    • Try practicing laughing at yourself when you are alone. Just as you might laugh at someone if they make a silly mistake or trip, try laughing at yourself when those occur.
    • Laugh with others at yourself.[21] If something happens around friends, laugh together at you. You can even play it up. If you fall, jump back up take a big bow or demand scores from your friend on your "dismount."

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    Immerse yourself in humor. If you are determined to develop a sense of humor, it is something you can learn to a certain extent. Begin by surrounding yourself with humor.[22] Digesting different examples and styles allows you to become familiar with what is considered funny. You can even use jokes or bits you've heard to get you started in social situations. Immerse yourself in the following ways:

    • Watch comedy shows or stand up comedians.
    • Listen to podcasts that amuse you.
    • Meet, or spend time with, a funny person you know.
    • Read humorous books or autobiographies of comedians.

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Article Summary X

To accept that you have no sense of humor, try to remember that humor is totally subjective, and you're not a bad person just because some people don't think you're witty or funny. Instead of focusing on what you're not, try to embrace all of the things that you do like about yourself. You can pick up some new hobbies or teach yourself new skills to discover talents that you never knew you had. Additionally, if you're interested in developing your sense of humor, you could try watching comedy shows and stand-up performances or listening to funny podcasts. For tips from our co-author, like how to be less critical of yourself, keep reading!

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